What does the Church have to offer?

I was recently asked by a family friend to put pen to paper (fingertips to keyboard) on this matter to feed into a forthcoming meeting he has with local bishops. This is what I said:

Our Church holds together thousands of years of wisdom on love, life, happiness, pain, forgiveness, reconciliation, kindness, generosity, patience, relationship, self-esteem, service and just about everything else we hold dear and important. It holds warnings on greed, condemnation, judgement and those things which get in the way of us reaching fulfilment.

There are saints and spiritual writers who have dedicated their lives and works to tuning into the meaning of life- a benevolent God that is Love. They have left learning which we can delve into, and parse, and find relevance and resonance for our own lives. Or we can simply take the sound-bites that help us move from moment to moment and day to day. We can learn from the masters as to how to be our best selves.

Many of us are searching, yearning for a wholeness.We are promised that in this whole-hearted business of seeking God (fullness, wholeness, meaning, pure love), we will find Him/Her/It. (Jeremiah 29:13). The Church, as the body of Christ, teaches us the Christian message so that the ultimate divine joy may live in us and so that our joy may be complete (John 15:11). We are offered a reason to hope and trust, we are promised complete joy and to top it all off, we are deeply and sacredly cherished as individual human beings (Isaiah 43:4). Sounds like a good deal to me.

So why find all this in Church? What is lacking in finding God and/or spiritual practice on our own terms? There is something about sharing the journey. We can receive solace and assurance in community. Together we admit that we are broken, that we have wronged one another and not honoured our best selves. It's not a guilt trip but rather a release of guilt.

I feel that the idea of “[Catholic] guilt” does us few favours. It is time for an understanding of "sin" which is not about condemnation, fire and brimstone and a demonisation of all that is fun. We instead need to hear “sin” as that which interferes with our life force, which degrades and demeans and which prevents us from being the best we can be. To be sorry, then, ought not be about beating ourselves up with blame and regrets, but acknowledging flawed actions and readying our hearts to put it behind us.

Our Church is a space for solidarity and honesty in vulnerability. It can be a source of strength and support to start again from a place of love for one another and for ourselves. In Our Church, we wish each other the ultimate peace and love in our lives and we in turn receive this from the hearts, prayers, words and energy of those with whom we are in communion- the body of Christ.

We are welcome in any Church around the world, however long it has been, wherever we have come from and no matter what we have done. We can go to the four corners of the earth and hear the same message of hope, in countless languages, in a familiar format, in a sacred space of which we have an innate knowledge. We have a family, a community, a source of inspiration, a comforting parent. There is a message for us, a plan for us and Our Church can help us to unlock it.

In Our Church, we will be challenged to figure out what is right for us and for society. We won’t agree with everything we hear, either from the pulpit, from one another and probably not in the media. We can run away, dismiss it all, distract ourselves with “drunkenness, debauchery and the cares of life”, but we risk letting our minds be narrowed and our hearts coarsened (Luke 21:34). We are challenged to seek out our own relationship with God, but not in a vacuum. Faith isn’t something purely self-satisfying. It involves believing in a better world and Way for all. We are brothers and sisters, and when one hurts, we are all lessened. We must listen to one another, be there for one another, learn from one another, challenge one another. This is true in the Church as in any family.

Finally, we know that authority figures in the Church have done great damage to people’s lives along the way. People have walked away in despair. Although this is completely understandable, it does not challenge the horror of events and actions. ["If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away! It is better to lose one of your members than to have your whole body go into hell" (Matthew 5:30). Admitted this passage relates to adultery and it can be dangerous to take scripture out of context. That said, there are also references to the Church as the Bride of Christ and actions which abuse the authority and position of the Church seem to be unfaithful to Him.] Walking away will not reclaim Our Church. Nor does honour all that has been done in the name of God to combat poverty, sectarianism, alienation, depression, the effects of war and much more. If we have, or even wish we could have, any faith in the Christian message, its vision for peace and the importance of hope, we are the hands, minds and parishioners who are responsible for making it happen. Church authorities must be humble, ask for the forgiveness and help of all of God’s children to realise the Kingdom of God.

“And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God” Micah 6:8.

Don't Worry Be Happy?

I grew up in a religious culture where when something went wrong, or was hurtful, we were told to “offer it up”. It was an approach that I got little solace or comfort from. I understood it as a church thing connected in some way with martyrdom. By comparison to the martyrs of course, I clearly had no right to even worry about my relative lack of troubles and besides, they weren’t going to get me many heavenly brownie points next to a martyr's tally. I guess I didn't see God as much of a loving father figure. I heard it "offer it up" as stoicism and a cold order to “get over it”.

I choose to hear it differently these days. Now I hear  “hand it over”- an invitation to  let go and offer the burden to the Higher Power which has a much greater ability of holding whatever  pain, hurt or worry I am bearing. These things may often only serve to oppress me and in offering it all up, I just might get to be my best self, have my stress relieved and perhaps be more available to anyone who might need me . 

'Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest…..and you will find rest for your souls.’ -Matthew 11:28-30

My mum uses another mantra last thing at night “Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in thee”

The first time I encountered the phrase above at an Anglican Sunday service for students in the middle of exam season.The minister’s sermon focussed on what he called the Chill Psalms- 23 and 121.

23:The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths... I will fear no evil,for you are with me;your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me... etc.

121:...the Maker of heaven and earth.... will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;... the Lord is your shade at your right hand; ... the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life;the Lord will watch over your coming and going  both now and forevermore.

I know these words resonate differently for different people. But since that day in Leeds, they remind me that I am not in charge and when I hand over control I am brought to a place of rest, sustenance and comfort. Also that I can rest easy because this loving Higher Power has got my back.

“All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.”

― Julian of Norwich

There's no such place as far away -Richard Bach

Rae! Thank you for inviting me to your birthday party! Your house is a thousand miles from mine and I travel only for the best of reasons. A party for Rae is the best and I am eager to be with you.

I began my journey in the heart of the hummingbird you and I met long ago. He was friendly as ever, yet when I told him that little Rae was growing up and that I was going to her birthday party with a present, he was puzzled.
We flew for a long while in silence and at last he said, “I understand very little of what you say, but least of all do I understand that you are going to the party.”
“Of course I am going to the party,” I said. “What is so hard to understand about that?”
He was quiet, and when we arrived at the owl’s home, he said, “Can miles truly separate us from friends? If you want to be with Rae, aren’t you already there?”
………………………………….
“Little Rae is growing up and I’m going to her birthday party with a present,” I said to the owl. It felt strange to say going like that, after talking to Hummingbird, but I said it that way so Owl would understand.
He, too, flew in silence for a long time. It was a friendly silence, but as he delivered me safely to the home of the eagle, he said, “I understand very little of what you say, but least of all do I understand that you call your friend little.”
“Of course she is little,” I said, “because she is not grown up. What is so hard to understand about that?”
Owl looked at me with his deep amber eyes, smiled and said, “Think about that.”
………………………………….
“Little Rae is growing up and I am going to her birthday party with a present,” I said to Eagle. It felt strange now to say going and little after talking with Hummingbird and Owl, but I said it that way so Eagle would understand. We flew together over the mountains, and soared the mountain winds.
At last she said, “I understand very little of what you say, but least of all do I understand this word birthday.”
“Of course birthday,” I said. “We are going to celebrate the hour that Rae began, and before which she was not. What is so hard to understand about that?”
Eagle curved her wings into steep dive-flaps and stepped to a smooth landing on the desert sand. “A time before Rae’s life began? Don’t you think rather that it is Rae’s life that began before time ever was?”
………………………………….
“Little Rae is growing up and I am going to her birthday party with a present,” I said to Hawk. It felt strange to say going and little and birthday after talking with Hummingbird and Owl and Eagle, but I said it that way so Hawk would understand.
The desert poured by far below us and at last she said, “You know, I understand very little of what you say, but least of all do I understand growing up.”
“Of course growing up,” I said. “Rae is closer to being an adult, one more year away from being a child. What is so hard to understand about that?”
Hawk landed at last upon a lonely beach. “One more year from being a child? That does not sound like growing!” And she lifted into the air and was gone.
………………………………….
Seagull, I knew, was very wise. As I flew with him I thought very carefully and chose words so that when I spoke he would know I had been learning.
“Seagull,” I said at last, “why do you fly me to see Rae when you know in truth I am already with her?”
Seagull turned down over the sea, over the hills, over the streets, and landed gently upon your rooftop.
“Because the important thing,” he said, “is for you to know the truth. Until you know it, until you truly understand it, you can show it only in smaller ways, and with outside help, from machines and people and birds. But remember,” he said, “that not being known doesn’t stop the truth from being true.” And he was gone.
………………………………….
Now it’s time to open your present. Gifts of tin and glass wear out in a day and are gone. But I have a better gift for you. It is a ring for you to wear. It sparkles with a special light and cannot be taken away by anyone, it cannot be destroyed. You are the only one in all the world who can see the ring that I give you today, as I was the only one who could see it when it was mine.
Your ring gives you new power. Wearing it, you can lift yourself into the wings of all the birds that fly.
You can see through their golden eyes, you can touch the wind that sweeps through their velvet feathers, you can know the joy of going way up high above the world and all its cares. You can stay as long as you want in the sky, past the night, through sunrise, and when you feel like coming down again, your questions will have answers and your worries will have gone.
As anything that cannot be touched with the hand or seen with the eyes, your gift grows more powerful as you use it.
At first you might use it only when you are outdoors, watching the birds with whom you fly.
But later on, if you use it well, it will work with birds you cannot see, and last of all you will find that you’ll need neither ring nor bird to fly alone above the quiet of the clouds.
And when that day comes, you must give your gift to someone you know who will use it well, who can learn that the only things that matter are those made of truth and joy, and not of tin and glass.
Rae, this is the last day-a-year, special-time celebration that I shall be with you, learning what I have learned from our friends the birds.
I cannot go to be with you because I am already there.
You are not little because you are already grown, playing among your lifetimes as do we all, for the fun of living.
You have no birthday because you have always lived, you were never born, and never will you die. You are not the child of the people you call mother and father, but their fellow- adventurer on a bright journey to understand the things that are.
Every gift from a friend is a wish for your happiness, and so it is with this ring.

The Season

Samhain- a threshold time

Sometimes, we consider the winter but a time to dig our heels in and push through the cold and the damp and the darkness. We wish it away, count the days until Christmas and then hold out for the relief of spring. We don't often cherish this blessed time. Ron Rolheiser tells us " Know that there are two kinds of darkness you can enter: the fearful darkness of paranoia, which brings sadness, and the fetal darkness of conversion, which brings life."

The Hallowe’en, all Saints and all Souls feasts celebrated last week, all have their roots in the celebration of the Celtic New Year festival of Samhain. Samhain was a time of death and the promise of re-birth, a time for stillness and reflection. It was also understood that in the dark silence come whisperings of new beginnings, the stirring of the seed beneath the ground.

Jesus tells us ‘Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.’ John 12:24

In leading worship this week, I gave everyone a pine cone. My internet research tells me these cones took about two years to mature. In the summer months they dried out and opened, some fell to the ground. They released seeds which were taken by the winds. By now those seeds will have come to rest in another place to bring new life. The winter conditions will prime the seeds for sprouting in the spring.

In coming to this point in our lives, to this place and with these people, we each leave behind past journeys, are winding down certain projects in which we have invested significant time and energy. We leave behind our “pine cones” and enter into new phases, embark on new adventures hoping and sometimes without any great certainty that in these new spaces we will find nourishment, a sense of rootedness or stability in ourselves, that we will grow and maybe be able to offer something to the world around.

Turnint off the lights for a few minutes and in the silence and darkness of the winter, we contemplated the aspects of our lives we have been nourishing, those things which it is time to leave behind and let go and those things which have potential to be carried forward.

It's not a pine side- I couldn't find one of them but just goes to show that the seeds we plant can turn into trees we never imagines....

As Yourself

"There is an old Christian tradition that

God sends each person into this world

with a special message to deliver,

with a special song to sing for others,

with a special act of love to bestow.

No one else can speak my message,

or sing my song, or offer my act of love.

These have been entrusted only to me.

According to tradition,the message may be spoken, the song sung,the act of love delivered only to a few,or to all the people of a small town,or to all the people of a large city,or even to all the people in the whole world.It all depends on God’s unique planfor each unique person.

So today, from my heart, I want to say this to you:Please believe thatyou have your important message to deliver,you have a beautiful song to sing,and a unique act of loveto warm the world and to brighten its darkness.

And when the final history of this world is written,your message, your song, and your lovewill be recorded gratefully and forever."

Anonymous

“The real "work" of prayer is to become silent and listen to the voice that says good things about me. To gently push aside and silence the many voices that question my goodness and to trust that I will hear the voice of blessing-- that demands real effort.” -Henri JM Nouwen

I was leading a worship lately as part of a diversity themed retreat and chose as its starting point the command to Love ourselves, to understand that by virtue of our inherent humanity, and by virtue of our individual and unique gifts and personalities, that we are worthy of love and respect. I asked the others present to listen to the voice that says good things, the voice of blessing and write one of those good things or blessings down on a paper leaf/petal. Leaves and petals were then added to a scripture vine which included quotes related to us each being made special and having been given gifts and blessings.

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! (1 John 3:1)

He put his own light in their hearts to show them the magnificence of his work (Sirach 17:8)

For you created my inmost being;you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-14)

So God created mankind in his own image... God blessed them (Genesis 1:27-28)

I would welcome other references from the blogging community :)

An uneasy surrender

I've been trying to pray the "thy will be done" bit of the Our Father. It's a bit countercultural for a woman with a determined, independant, on my own two feet kind of approach to life. I do however want, with my whole heart, to fulfill my life as given and I think the man upstairs is the one with the map. So, I'm moving from saying it to praying it.

I think it's fleshed out pretty well by St. Ignatius's suspice:

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, 
my memory, my understanding
and my entire will,
All I have and call my own.
 
You have given all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.
 
Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace.
That is enough for me.

Another gem from Joyce Rupp captures the challenge...

Dear God,
why do I keep fighting you off?
One part of me wants you desperately,
another part of me unknowingly
pushes you back and runs away.

What is there in me that
so contradicts my desire for you?
These transition days, these passage ways,
are calling me to let go of old securities,
to give myself over into your hands.

Like Jesus who struggled with the pain
I, too, fight the "let it all be done."
Loneliness, lostness, non-belonging,
all these hurts strike out at me,
leaving me pained with this present goodbye.

I want to be more but I fight the growing.
I want to be new but I hang unto the old.
I want to live but I won't face the dying.
I want to be whole but cannot bear
to gather up the pieces into one.

Is it that I refuse to be out of control,
to let the tears take their humbling journey,
to allow my spirit to feel its depression,
to stay with the insecurity of "no home"?

Now is the time. You call to me,
begging me to let you have my life,
inviting me to taste the darkness
so I can be filled with the light,
allowing me to lose my direction
so that I will find my way home to you.

Clinging to what holds me back

At spiritual direction some months ago, I was expressing frustration at knowing it was time to move but not knowing what direction to go in. I was challenged not to use the unknown as an excuse for clinging on to that which holds me back. 

A few years back, I was on a development programme and recall speaking about "letting myself of the hook" for dwelling in hurt for too long. I recognised then too that it was time to take the next step. I also recall a moment at the end of a relationship where I chose not to look back. Only recently did I realise that at that moment, I physically acknowledged that I had moved on. I didn't take the cue to also let go.

Joyce Rupp says, "When we learn how to say goodbye we truly learn how to say to ourselves and others: 'Go, God be with you. I entrust you to God. The God of strength, courage, comfort, hope, love, is with you. The God who promises to wipe away all tears will hold you close and will fill your emptiness. Let go and be free to move on.'"

On a recent pilgrimage I was asked by another pilgrim for tips. I said "Trust the Way". In clinging to that which holds me back,  I am refusing to trust what brings me forward. On that same pilgrimage I walked for a day with pebbles representing challenges in my life. I prayed with them and laid them down. A few hours in, I realised that I hadn't picked up a pebble for a particular challenge which dominated my consciousness and behaviour for years. It was hugely liberating to realise that I was no longer holding it so tightly. It is not that the behaviour has disappeared but not clinging to it so deeply as part of who I am, is a huge relief and indeed cause for celebration. For me it signifies that  I will stop letting it define me or allow it to prevent me from realising my potential. I had been waiting for the strength and capacity to resolve the difficulty before allowing myself to be best self. Now I feel that in moving on I can regain my sense of who I am meant to be and this challenge will either be something I bring with me or something I gain the strength to overcome along the way. It is not, however and thank God, who I am.

Like forgiveness, it is not something I can do myself. It is a grace I must ask for. I do this every day and yet at some point fall back into old destructive behaviours, feel failure and guilt, comfort myself with worldly things. And it is hard not to get down about this. So I pray to see myself as God does, a beloved child. 

In his book, the Inner Voice of love Nouwen says, "Trust the inner voice". He asks, 'Do you really want to be converted? Are you willing to be transformed? Or do you keep clutching your old ways of life with one hand while with the other you beg people to help you change?

Conversion is certainly not something you can bring about yourself. It is not a question of will-power. You have to trust the inner voice that shows the way. You know that inner voice. You turn to it often. But after you have heard with clarity what you are asked to do, you start raising questions, fabricating objections, and seeking everyone else’s opinion. Thus you become entangled in countless often contradictory thoughts, feelings, and ideas and lose touch with the God in you. And you end up dependent on all the people you have gathered around you. Only by attending constantly to the inner voice can you be converted to a new life of freedom and joy.'

I guess I'm now at the stage where I hear that voice as one of love and encouragement. I still often behave to the contrary, like a petulant child but on every single momentary occasion when I do listen, I thank God for the support and guidance. It's a step.

Our higher calling

Kid president says "The world needs you to stop being boring. Yeah, you. Boring is easy. Everybody can be boring. But you’re gooder than that... I don’t know everything, I’m just a kid.  But I do know this: it’s everybody’s duty to give the world a reason to dance so get to it." 

He also says "Be more awesome"

Meanwhile in Rome... Pope Frances calls on us to

"Remain steadfast in the journey of faith. Listen carefully, young people, swim against the tide; it's good for the heart, but it takes courage." He says "We Christians weren't chosen by the Lord to do little things".

I'm the defiant sort so I kind of like the notion of swimming against the tide. I also want to do more- call it ego, restlessness, ambition or a thirst for justice. I believe the kid president- I have a duty to give the world a reason to dance. I'm gooder than being boring and I need to be more awesome.

Last Wednesday the Pope asked young people "to be generous with their God-given talents for the good of others, the Church and our world".

Not only did Pope Frances say it takes courage to swim against the tide. In his Vocations Sunday Address, he suggested we "Ask Jesus what he wants of you and be brave! Be brave!"
"Take courage" is a phrase that appears time and time again in the Bible but it is particularly synonymous with Jesus walking on Water (Mark 6:50) and when he sends Paul to spread the Good News from Jerusalem to Rome (Act 23:11).

And what if we think ourselves unable, fear failure, are afraid of being ridiculed or becoming disheartened?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. 

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,talented, fabulous?Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.  

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,we unconsciously give other peoplepermission to do the same.As we are liberated from our own fear,Our presence automatically liberates others

- Marianne Williamson 

In Jesus' Name

I'm living from the heart,

at least trying to make a start-

& for the most part-

I'm searching for meaning,

a way of believing,

Of fully being.

Not waiting

for it all to pass me by

'til one day I'd ask why:

Why I shied away from asking

what it was all about,

& I'd never sought out

Real purpose.

Never asked. Never looked.

Or just stopped and took

Time

to really listen

find my own bliss and

do as I was christened to do-

To seek more;

To let my heart soar,

my whole being roar;

Unleash my true soul for...

You?

I ain't got nothin' to prove

We are each greatly loved. So it says in the bible anyway. Me being me though, I struggle with the whole thing. I desire to be loved- possibly me deepest desire- but I struggle with believing I'm worthy. I grew up trying to prove my worth- in an all singing, all dancing, all studying, hard working and attention seeking kind of way.

As these things tend to do,all my trying to prove myself came crashing down. Kahlil Gibran tells us that "Pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding". My mother's words at this time "it's not what you do but who you are that counts" heralded an acceptance of my fatigue with all this trying to prove myself. And so my spiritual struggle to find meaning and worth that doesn't come from activity and achievement began. A friend recently passed on the following gem from her reading: achievement comes from what we do for ourselves; meaning comes from what we do for others.

I've been told to listen/obey when I say "I am not worthy to receive you [I is old skool], but say the word and I shall be healed". So I'm trying to spend a little more time with the Word:

" I am the Lord, your God...Because you are precious in my eyes 
and glorious, and because I love you" Isaiah 43:4

"I have loved you with an everlasting love;Therefore with loving kindness I have drawn you" Jeremiah 31:3

And of course:

"As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete." John 15: 9-11

Henri Nouwen (my current guru) talks about the temptation of Jesus in the following terms: 

"Jesus, however, is very clear in his response [to the devil]: “I don’t have to prove that I am worthy of love. I am the Beloved of God, the One on whom God’s favor rests.” It was that victory over the “Tempter” that set Jesus free to choose for the compassionate life. O God, help me know that I am your beloved child." -Journey of the Heart Lenten Reflections at p.5 

He goes on to say that we are worth more than the result of our efforts and I suppose that's because from way back in the beginning (Genesis 1:27), we were made in his image. It is by virtue of the beauty, fragility and truth of our common humanity that we are loved by God. You can use humanist rights language for this same concept if it sits better.

May you recognize in your life, the presence, power and light of your soul.
May you realize that you are never alone,
That your soul in its brightness and belonging
connects you intimately with the rhythm of the universe.
May you have respect for your own individuality and difference.
May you realize that the shape of your soul is unique,
that you have a special destiny here,
That behind the facade of your life
there is something beautiful, good, and eternal happening.
May you learn to see yourself with the same delight, pride,
and expectation with which God sees you in every moment. 

- John O'Donohue's A Blessing of Solitude in Anam Cara 

Etty Hillesum, a Jewish woman murdered in Auschwitz came to her own sense of faith unconstrained by orthodox teachings. Her faith was based on trust, intuition and reflection. She wrote:

There is a really deep well inside me. And in it dwells God. Sometimes I am there too. But more often stones and grit block the well, and God is buried beneath. Then God must be dug out again.

So we dig God out. Or at least make an effort in that direction. Basil Hume, Benedictine Archbishop of Westminster from 1976 to 1998 says, "It is helpful to remember that wanting to love God may well be as far as we can go." (To Be a Pilgrim at p.31)

Let us therefore love god, because God first hath loved us

1 John 4:19

Hume continues, "[w]e have to hang on to the fact of God's love for us. That demands courage and tenacity" (emphasis added). Jesus says to us "Take courage! It is I" and when fear or circumstances diminish our faith and we cry out for help, as did Peter in Matthew 14: 22-33, He immediately reaches out to catch us telling us there is no need to doubt.

I'll finish with this: It seems that all we have to do in order to experience God's love is to choose to come home to Him. We can even go squander his money on all sorts of less than virtuous things (as did the Prodigal Son in Luke 15: 11-32) and He will still welcome us with open arms.

Now that that's all worked out, I just have to come to believe it.  

Lord, I believe;help my unbeliefMark 9:24

St Patrick's Confession

My faith is incomplete, I try to believe and take comfort from a bigger picture, an undying love of someone more powerful- beyond- us as humans. And so I like the prayer from Mark 9:24- "“I believe; help my unbelief!”

The excerpt from St. Patrick's confession below is comforting since it says that though I may not yet know, understand, trust or  even believe in God, He still loves, guides and cares for me.

My self-esteem isn't always the greatest- I can feel unworthy. Spotted this on another blog recently:

Giving makes us feel good. Receiving can, too, although we may also wonder if we’ve done enough to deserve a gift from a friend, relative, or even a complete stranger. Receiving can be an act of vulnerability; it can take humility to be a good receiver.

And so I'm back to humility as per previous post (for the overachiever). And vulnerability- This Brené Brown's TED talk on that really resonates for me. I  wear my heart on my sleeve a bit which can enhance that sense of vulnerability. Psalm 23 talks about where all one's enemies can see, God prepares for us a banquet and honours us and so "I know that your goodness and love will be with me all my life; and your house will be my home as long as I live". I believe that it is through our fragility that we encounter a common humanity and can be truly compassionate. Doesn't mean it's not frightening but sure "Be not afraid, I am with you always"

So I keep trying

"...It was among foreigners that it was seen how little I was.

It was there that the Lord opened up my awareness of my lack of faith. Even though it came about late, I recognised my failings. So I turned with all my heart to the Lord my God, and he looked down on my lowliness and had mercy on my youthful ignorance. He guarded me before I knew him, and before I came to wisdom and could distinguish between good and evil. He protected me and consoled me as a father does for his son..."

http://www.confessio.ie/etexts/confessio_english#01

Patient Trust

From assabireen.wordpress.com 

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.

We are quite naturally impatient with everything
to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient with being on the way to something
unknown, something new.
And yet it is the law of all progress
that it is made by passing through
some stages of instability -
and that it may take a very long time,
And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually – let them grow,
Let them shape themselves, without undue haste.
as though you could be today what time,
(that is to say, grace and circumstances
acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give Our Lord the benefit of believing
that His hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.

-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, S.J.

I find this to be so contemporary that cannot believe this man died in 1955. Also, I kinda love the Jesuits- this one was a paleontologist if you don't mind :) And for good measure he got his knuckles wrapped by the vatican for thinking outside the dogma. You'd wonder about those lot in Rome sometimes...

Lessons for the Over-Achiever

A lot of the spiritual insights I have encountered lately relate to humility (from humous- clay of the earth). Apart from the need to remain grounded- for me important as in theory  it should stop me going into a headspin about all I have to do etc- it is a reminder that ego doesn't serve us. I am in the process of making a career decision and I see the reminders to be humble as steering me away from factors related to career status and acclaim.

I have been trying to pray during lent- take time each day to sit still, reflect, express gratitude and ask for wisdom. (It hasn't gone so well in the last fortnight, by the by). I have directed toward the parable of the pharisee and the tax collector where the latter's humility in prayer is praised and contrasted against the pharisee's "Thanks that I'm so brilliant" - something of a paraphrase of Luke 18: 9 - 14. I was also pointed to Matthew 11: 28-30:

"Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest... [L]earn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit".

Sacredspace.ie is a great resource  at any time of year but at the moment there's an online retreat available for Lent. The introduction to the retreat includes these words:

This Lenten retreat invites you to remain in the love of him who bows and bends low before you. Ponder and be moved by the One who becomes humble and poor, who goes down the ladder of human promotion instead of up, and who stoops in love before his disciples and before you in order to wash your feet.

Yesterday then, the following reflection was included in a mass leaflet. This is from Archbishop Oscar Romero of San Salvador who was assassinated in 1980 having called on government soldiers to stop carrying out human rights violations. His whole story is fascinating and heartbreaking. This reflection allows us to view our life's work as but part a tiny part of a bigger picture, and humility is necessary in accepting this.

It helps, now and then, to step backand take the long view.
The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts,
it is beyond our vision.
We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of
the magnificent enterprise that is God’s work.
Nothing we do is complete,
which is another way of saying
that the kingdom always lies beyond us.
No statement says all that could be said.
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confession brings perfection.
No pastoral visit brings wholeness.
No program accomplishes the church’s mission.
No set of goals and objectives includes everything.
This is what we are about:
We plant seeds that one day will grow.
We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise.
We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that produces effects beyond our capabilities.
We cannot do everything
and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.
This enables us to do something,
and to do it very well.
It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way,
an opportunity for God’s grace to enter and do the rest.
We may never see the end results,
but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker.
We are workers, not master builders,
ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own. Amen."